So, after what feels like a long absence, I am finally managing to post again, and I’m going straight in with a deep subject. I had some unpleasant experiences at the end of last year and I felt that it was time to stop giving a shit about the small things and focus on myself, focus on my future and aspirations, but most importantly, focus on the now, my happiness now, and living in the moment. It’s genuinely so important to stop caring about the little things, that in the long run don’t matter. It’s important to focus on what truly brings happiness and positivity into your life.
Pressure is projected onto us all our lives, no matter the circumstances, in one way or another, we all feel a sense of pressure. Whether this is a pressure from work, university, school, to look a certain way, dress a certain way, act a certain way – we all feel it in some form. People are pressured to hide who they are, hide any sign of vulnerability with the fear of coming across as weak or dependent on others. This is simply not the case, there is really nothing wrong with showing vulnerability. If someone shows their vulnerable side, it shows they have courage, it shows they are strong – not weak.
For as long as I can remember, I have always been overly sensitive, overly caring and worried about what people thought of me – appearance and personality. I always worried that I was too plain, too boring. I worried that nobody would ever love me and that I would never get married and have a family of my own. Looking back to those thoughts from where my life is at the moment, I think, “how silly was I?” But in that moment, at that time, how did I know that this is how my life would be?
Some people genuinely hate how they look, the shape of their body, etc. If you asked most people if they would change something about themselves, the majority would change at least one thing, and this comes from pressure. The pressure to look a certain way, act a certain way. Take Instagram, for example, one of the prime social platforms for hyperbolic lives, editing every photo, depicting an unrealistic reality, adding to the pressure we are under. Everyone wants to show off how amazing their life is and how busy they are all the time, working, vacationing, hitting the gym, when in reality, possibly only a quarter of what you see is accurate – even I have been guilty of this from time-to-time. There is an award winning short film called ‘A Social Life’, which portrays a social media depression in a strongly accurate way, about working woman Meredith who is “living the life she has always dreamed of… online”, and I would recommend watching it, if you haven’t already.
It wasn’t until the beginning of this year, I was sat on the bus on my way home, thinking about all the assignments I needed to finish for uni and work, thinking about some difficult times I had been through towards the end of last year, realising that people you thought were there for you and cared, actually don’t, and possibly never did, and that’s when I felt it. A sudden wave washed over me and I thought, “stop carrying, just stop giving a shit. Molly, you really just need to stop caring so much”. I was sat on the bus, anxiety building due to the pressure I was putting on myself, wondering why people act the way they do, and I just knew it needed to stop – it was making me feel unwell. I wasn’t sleeping through the night, I found myself having panic attacks during the night and headaches I could never get rid of. I lost motivation in a lot of the interests I had (even blogging) and couldn’t bare to think of any work I needed to do. I just wanted to sit and exist. I really needed to stop caring about things that didn’t actually matter at all. As my boyfriend once said to me, “If it isn’t going to matter in 2 weeks/2 years time, then it really doesn’t matter now”… and from now on, I am trying to live by this. It’s not always easy, far from easy at times, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible.
We all care too much about they way other people see us. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to portray ourselves in a positive, professional light for work purposes, when meeting new people, but we shouldn’t overthink it. 99% of the time, people really don’t care if you are wearing make-up or not, whether you can apply it like an MUA or not. People don’t care what size clothes you wear, or your style, and people don’t really care about the ins and outs of your personal life – maybe a little, as we’re all nosey. What people do care about is how you treat others, your kindness, your caring nature, that is something people will think about and remember, not particularly the brand new, high-end shirt you wore to work the other week. If anyone makes a comment about you in any way, it’s them. It’s not a reflection on you, but on them. Don’t focus on the comments of irrelevant people because it is the people in your life that truly matter, the people who really care about you, not idiotic trolls who go out of their way to purposely make people for insecure about themselves out of pure jealously and pettiness.
We focus so much on the materialism when we should be focusing on the amazing qualities we have. We get so wrapped up in technology, that sometimes we forget the beautiful world and people that are staring us in the face. It’s genuinely so important for us to remember the real meaning of life, to focus on our own happiness rather than everyone else. It’s important to be ourselves and not try to live someone else’s life. As Herman Melville says, “It’s better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.”
Your job is not worth risking your health and happiness, that friend who suddenly stopped talking to you is not worth risking your health and happiness, staying up late, stressed, because of the work you have to do is not worth your health and happiness. Your health and happiness pressure, never take it for granted. Never allow family, friends, strangers, society to make you feel worthless, because you are amazing, you are you, and nobody can ever take that away from you. Nobody should ever make anyone feel small and worthless, nobody should ever try and tell you how to live your life. Your health, your happiness, the people who love you for who you are, they are the things, the people, that are important in life. Let us all remember to not give a shit and be our 100% unique, and in my case weird, selves.
Remember, you are strong, you are wonderful, you are enough.
“Be yourself, because an original is worth more than a copy.”